Driving School

In Deafness, Hearing Impairment, Death at a Funeral, Driving, Nifty, Peanuts, Silly, True Story on July 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm


I used to live in Metropolis. Never had much need of personal transportation. I was decidedly part of the Commuter Culture. Utilising public transit and taxis. When I was younger I hitchhiked the Galaxy sometimes, too. So, I came to driving later in life.

Then, I happened to acquire a car rather serendipitously. I decided I’d best attend driving school, being of a contentious nature.

Well, I passed in the classroom. All that was left was 10 hours of road instruction…

I met my instructor, Ralph, in the foyer of the Motor Association in bustling Central Metropolis. He was from Manchester. England. I am very familiar with British accents. Although, I hadn’t always been, I was now hearing impaired. He spoke at great volumes to accommodate me, being of a contentious nature himself. Rather boisterous, but, conscientious just the same. A true Mancunian, if there ever was.

He led me to our car.

“Get in!”, he barked in his accent.

“Check your vehicle!”

“Okay! Back ‘er out!”

“Turn ‘ere! There! ‘Ere!… There!”

“B-b-b-but… This is the BIG road…”, plaintively.

I hesitated…

It was. I’d travelled it many times but now it appeared GIGANTIC as far as I was concerned. Hadn’t really ever noticed before? It was four lanes of zooming rush hour commuter traffic. I’d NEVER actually driven a car before. No good could come of this. No. None.

None at all. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

I can be somewhat naive and gullible at times, as well. I had foolishly believed that since I’d never ACTUALLY driven a car before we would just take a turn or two ’round the parking expanse the first time. Let me get a ‘feel’ for it?

Nope. Not so much…

“What are you waiting for!?! Go! Go! Go!”


I went. It was tense. I was tense. In-tense. Tense.

Oh, boy.

Then Ralph barks, “Blah. Blah-blah, blah blah-blah! BLAH!”

Oh. No.

Man, sometimes everything is just ‘Peanuts’, hey?!? 😜 lol

I couldn’t look at him to speech read. My eyes were glued to the road. I was not taking them off, either. No way. No how. Nuh-uh. Not. On. Your. Life.

“Pardon me?”

“Blah blah blah-blah!”


“Take a blah-blah!”

He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was saying, could he?

“Take a what?”

“A blah-blah!”

“A what?!?”

“A Valium!”

“A Valium?!?”


“I thought that was included in the price of the course.”

“No! You’ve! Got! To! Bring! Your! OWN!”

I got that! It was hysterical!

Then, some years later I saw the British version of ‘Death at a Funeral’. Did all British people pop Valium like Tic Tacs? I had NO idea! Or, was it just Ralph and the cast of ‘Death at a Funeral’?


Driving with Ralph for 10 hours turned out to be quite an adventure in itself. We shared many laughs, ‘Python’ moments, whilst we ironed out our communication quirks and all.

I got a ‘feel’ for it in the end. For driving. Driving School had been the best decision.

I ❤❤❤❤❤ driving.

I’ve never had a ticket.

True story.

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